How to Figure Out Your Right Next Move? Don't
Ever seen Sliding Doors? (Spoilers in here if you haven't.)
The first time I saw it I hated it.
It’s a story with two versions. Each takes a different turn toward a very different conclusion.
I hated it because the version I was rooting for ended in tragedy. The other one, well it turned out pretty great.
This makes me think of the illusion we have that there is a right or wrong way.
That idea - that one idea - is one of the most absolutely debilitating.
It’s what keeps so many of us stuck in limbo: the fear to move forward lest we choose wrong.
But how would you know?
There is no way to go back and compare endings, except in the movies.
To say - I wish I had done, I should have...is to imagine you could have forced that other ending, when in truth you can never know where a different path may have led.
The ways this appears:
Wanting to change but never picking a path.
When there are many options but you believe there’s only one ‘right’ way that will lead to a ‘best’ conclusion, it’s overwhelming. The fear of choosing wrong keeps you in place.
Fear of the unknown.
Resisting change. Maybe you’re generally not terribly happy, but at least it’s “known” discontent. (But, actually, it’s not. You still don’t know where it might lead you.) EVERYTHING is unknown. The sooner you know this, the sooner you’re free to explore.
The idea that ‘failure’ means you picked the ‘wrong’ path.
We believe failure is a personal reflection on us, some indication that we are flawed, or that we’ve chosen poorly. I say the opposite. Failure means you’re trying! It means you’re growing, learning, and adapting. Failure is also often what brings us the greatest insight. Without experience, we can’t know where we want to go next. If you are NOT failing, you are not expanding.
The idea that there’s an ending to get to.
Where exactly are you going, anyway? The entire point of a vision or a goal is not actually to gain the vision or the goal. It’s to have the experiences you wouldn’t otherwise have if you were not moving in the direction of your dream.
A vision is a tool to inform you of one thing: who you are deciding to be today, and as a result what actions you take TODAY. That is it. In showing up in that way, you gain insight that gives you greater clarity on your vision. You get to continually recalibrate.
The purpose of life is to live it. That means experiencing it. The only end destination is death. Everything else is an adventure. Perceived successes and failures included.
Wanting to know the “right” way will never lead you to a satisfactory answer, because there is no right way.
To find a better answer, start by asking a different question:
“What do I want life to be?”
“Who do I need to be in order to live that life?”
“Do I believe myself to be resilient? That I can bounce back should something not go the way I expect?”
“Do I believe failure indicates I’m learning?”
“Do I allow myself the option of being open to twists and turns in the road?”
“Do I believe there is a limit to my level of success and happiness? How do I even define those things?“
We don’t change our lives by looking for the answers “out there.” Everything that is possible comes from within.
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